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Hindsight

by Dillbilly

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about

Over the course of their music career, Dillbilly has released nine full-length albums under their birth name. Hindsight is a collection of fifteen remastered tracks from their previous records. It’s an ode to where they came from and a journey across their evolution as a non-binary working class artist from the southern Midwest.

credits

released September 27, 2019

Re-master by Eric Oberthaler
Painting by Liam Florey @kristheliamleeflorey
Graphic Design by Mika Anami @meekr
Art photography by Jared Swanson @abbotkinney
Original recordings by: Dillbilly, Jason Ellis, and Michael Krapovicky
c/o Waxsimile Productions

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all rights reserved

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about

Dillbilly Oakland, California

Dillbilly (pronouns: they/them) is a genre-queer songbird from the rural Midwest who’s sound migrates across folk, Americana, roots, alt-country, and rock.

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Track Name: Chameleon - 2019 remaster
Chameleon


Chameleon, mood swing, mood ring
Changing color with the surroundings
Nervous habit
The t-t-temperature astounds me
Rising up and I’m sweating beads of toxic
Wasting time self deprecating
Self medicate, hate yourself for the both of
T-take it easy don’t abuse yourself too much.

The sun is rising but you’re still sleeping
The moon is rising I’m still dreaming
You’re a late sleeper and I’m a daydreamer
We’re never awake at the same time.

We’re products of this corporate mess
Fit me into a race, a class, a sex
I’m a circular circumpolar star
I never rise or set
It’s a survival technique, I’m an alien hybrid
Speaking a foreign tongue
But you can read my body like braille
When we’re making love.

The sun is rising but you’re still sleeping
The moon is rising I’m still dreaming
You’re a late sleeper and I’m a daydreamer
We’re never awake at the same time.

An epidemic of cars and highways
Paved with fast food advertisements
Want to rip of the pavement, bulldoze these buildings
Let nature being a praying vulture feeding on debris
Growing, invasive
Kudzu vines are lacing up my legs
I’m rooted too deep to move
I’m planted in you.


The sun is rising but you’re still sleeping
The moon is rising I’m still dreaming
You’re a late sleeper and I’m a daydreamer
We’re never awake at the same time.

Oh Chameleon, mood swing, mood ring
Changing color with the surroundings
Nervous habit
The t-t-temperature astounds me
Rising up and
I’m sweating beads of toxic waste.
Track Name: Keep Your Eyes on Me - 2019 remaster
Keep Your Eyes on Me

It’s my second time around
I’m wearing sneakers instead of sandals
A wallet and a chain
Instead of loose change
I taste cloves instead of cigarettes
This city is a movie set
And I’m a walking camera
Take no notice of me.

I’m tired of all this beauty
I’m tired of all this love
Swerving to the right of me
Without looking up to see
That I got my eyes on you
And you’re the only thing I need.

Got an impressionistic memory
You’re colors blur and melt into me
A living painting of The Scream
So I collect you in our movie stubs
Look for the idea of you in everyone
A conscientious scrapbook when I blink

Can life just take a standstill
And give me the still frame
Of the moment you loved me
To have for keepsake cuz I’m afraid
Of forgetting when
I was the only thing you needed.

So tell me what you like to do
When you’re alone
I’d gladly stay there forever
Even if its just to shut your eyes
And close out the world
I’d shut them all out for you
So please
Keep your eyes on me
I’ll be everything you need.
Track Name: Focus, Focus - 2019 remaster
Focus, Focus

Focus, focus
Tunnel vision
Dreaming, time jumps
Waking naked and alone

Make your bed up
Put your clothes on
Those aren’t warm enough
You’ll be cold

Cuz it’s snowing outside
I’m not dressed for the weather
You need thick armor to survive
These winters alone

Distance, distance
Keep your walls up
Cuz digging deeper will just bury you cold
Cut the phone lines
And crawl back into bed
Cuz it’s just cold enough
To sleep in.

Cuz it’s snowing outside
I’m not dressed for the weather
You need thick armor to survive
These winters alone

Vague glances, vague words
Leave blanks and spaces
And incomplete sentences
And word association
Doesn’t work
And the only sentence I can finish
Is “I still love you but it hurts.”

And it’s snowing outside
I’m not dressed for the weather
You need thick armor to survive
These winters alone

Focus, focus
Tunnel visions
Track Name: Whatever - 2019 remaster
Whatever

Wait I changed my mind
Tag you’re it
Hide and seek
I’m the first to blink when you start staring
Games we play
Roll the dice

It’s not in my hands now
Are you feeling lucky tonite
I’m not so sure you are…

I’ll make a new move now
I’ll map it out
A thousand times
My strategy to memorize
Your shape and smell
So I can forget them

It’s not in my hands now
Are you feeling lucky tonite
I’m not so sure I am…

Whatever you say I am
You are
Whatever you say you are
Whatever

You folded your hand
It’s not enough
To just break even
I gotta win
I gotta have more so
Roll the dice

It’s not in my hands now
Are you feeling lucky tonite
I’m not so sure I am…

Whatever you say I am
You are
Whatever you say you are
Whatever

Wait I changed my mind
Wait I changed my mind
Wait I changed my mind...
Track Name: Fiction - 2019 remaster
Fiction

I
Made up a story
That I couldn’t stop telling
I liked living inside it outloud.

You
You’re not really my lover but I’ve read
You cover to cover so many times
It starts to feel like real life.

And there’s an inch
Between our hands
And I’m hyper aware of the electric current as a live wire
A magnet, a fire yes-yes I felt it conspire that charge in the air.

You got my attention
I just like looking at the pictures
I just like folding down the corner of a page to mark our place
In the middle of a fiction that I haven’t written yet.

But I’ll bind
Each blank page
So as just to wither with age
Watch it turn yellow and brittle.

And you’ll find
Pages of leaves pressed inside
So many that they stressed the spine
But at least they retain some of the color.

I
Made up a story
That I couldn’t stop telling
I liked living inside it outloud
Yes, outloud…

You got my attention
I just like looking at the pictures
I just like folding down the corner of a page to mark our place
In the middle of a fiction that I haven’t written yet.
Track Name: Full Steam - 2019 remaster
Full Steam

Draw a line
Draw an angle
Draw a box
Give it a label
And close this inside.

But listen
Tick tick tick tick tick
I’m a time bomb
Tick tick tick tick tick
I’m a time bomb
Tick tick tick tick tick
I’m a time bomb
Waiting to explode

Into shards of myself.

That debris
It broke the levy
Flooded my heart
Made it a heavy sandbag
To hold back water.

But listen
Tick tick tick tick tick
There’s a heartbeat
Tick tick tick tick tick
There’s a heartbeat
Tick tick tick tick tick
There’s a heartbeat
Proof that I’m alive.

I’m not a gamble
A slot machine yea
The odds are all in favor of me
So put you’re money down
It’s worthless in hear
That currency is an illusion dear
Lay across the tracks
I’ll be a train and a bag of flesh
Coming
Full steam ahead...
Track Name: Moth - 2019 remaster
Moth

You were right, right on time
This morning was my deadline but you brought it back to life
Blooming trees, the redbuds flowering
So let’s fill up our cheeks before the redness leaves
A sweet taste in your mouth, so don’t swallow it down
You gotta take in the town- now now now now now

It’s been raining ,it’s been pouring
Enough to fill an empty quarry,
In the valley where I’m from it would be flooded
But I’d wade in the water, swim just like an otter
D-dive to the bottom of that town
I don’t care if I drown- now now now now now

My legs are roots
They’ve been stripped from the ground
My arms are wings
And they migrate south
I’m coming your direction
Using my sense of smell
And I don’t need my eyes to tell
I could find you in the dark.

The distance, it’s sinking in
Like an aromatic incense
And it still smells good but it’s not your fragrance
The center of gravity shifts
Me around and around
Until I’m dizzy from this town- Now now now now

My legs are roots
They’ve been stripped from the ground
My arms are wings
And they migrate south
I’m coming your direction
Using my sense of smell
And I don’t need my eyes to tell
I could find you in the dark....
Track Name: Fire Alarm - 2019 remaster
Fire Alarm

I met you in the woods
My intentions were good
Ok maybe I wanted to kiss you from the start
When I overheard you talking cuz I was eavesdropping
Trying to find a good time to interrupt.

Then I couldn’t think of a question
To insert in the conversation
So I gave in and said the obvious
“I’m sorry but I was listening to what you two were talking through
And I really related to what you were saying.”

Then I asked a stupid question
That I already knew the answer to
Just to get you looking in my direction
Then I couldn’t stop staring when I saw you glancing
At me from across the room.

We exchanged slight slight smiles
Before we averted our eyes and then
The fire alarm forced us all outside.

Chorus

I asked, “How many seasons have you been growing?
I know those are loaded words.”
You said, “Six but now I’m moving to the city
Cuz I don’t want to grow alone”
Well, I know how that goes.


Later that night
We told our lives
Condensed the time to fit inside a space of about five minutes
Then you told us all your short version of where you’ve been and where you’re going
And how you used to bike home from the farm
That you lived on in the dark...

With only the light from your handle bars
And those big big stars
With every word I leaned forward
Further and further
And there was a puzzle on the table between us
Seriously and metaphorically
I think that we solved the corner piece.

And after our eyes got heavy
From all the hours of storytelling
I followed you out to the dark pines

Chorus

I asked, “How can you see where you’re going?
I know those are loaded words
You said, “Look, just follow the tree lines
And they’ll lead you home.”
Yea I know how that goes.
Track Name: Midwestern Tornado - 2019 remaster
Midwestern Tornado

I am a thunderstorm
I am a welling up
Speaking in a flash of lighting
Have to wait for the sound to catch up
Count 1, 2 3
I’m three miles away
And I’m picking up steam
And collecting debris

Chorus

I let out a hard rain
Take cover in your storm cellar
There’s a weather advisory

You are the cumulus clouds
I am the earth
And our love funnels down
Like a midwestern tornado
And the path that it takes
With it’s turbulent eddies
It sounds like a whistling
Humming harmonic

Chorus

There’s a strong wind
Take cover in your storm cellars
There’s a weather advisory

Bridge
There’s a dark cloud
With a green hue
Sounds like a train coming
To carry us through
Those dark tunnels
There’s a light that shines
Carries us down that crooked track line…

Chorus

There’s strong wind
Take cover in your storm cellars
There’s a weather advisory

I am a thunderstorm
I am a welling up
You are the cumulus clouds
I am the earth
And our love funnels down
Like a midwestern tornado.
Track Name: City Cemeteries - 2019 remaster
City Cemeteries

I grew up in graveyards that looked like small towns
Where I live now there are city cemeteries
With their marble skyscrapers reaching for the sun
Our bodies are the crumbling foundation

Chorus

You can bury, bury yourself
You can bury, bury yourself
Engrave your name under the stone you lay
And bury yourself.

Bare bones are the steel frames
Like architecture matters when your dead
Let the weight of the earth tear this apart
And let it go, let it go, let it go

Chorus

You can govern, govern yourself
You can govern, govern yourself
Take those chains off of my ghost’s name
And govern yourself.

Chorus outro

You can bury, bury yourself
You can govern, govern yourself
Take those chains off of my ghost’s name
And govern yourself.
Track Name: Sanctuaries - 2019 remaster
Sanctuaries

I hope to find
Sanctuaries in the morning
To stretch out my body
Walk shade in the cemetery

Release all my anger
Spend time by the river
And listen for the answers to

Come…
I hope they come
Why won’t they come…

Big river
Winds around me tight
Tie me up in tights
These bridges burn
Violent and bright
No islands insight
I fish from the shore
But nothing does bite
I reel in my words
Cast off in the…

Night
In the night
In the night…

I feel
Feel the weight
Of my big bones
Heavy as stone
They rake
The riverbed
I’m settling into the sediment

In this quiet
Muddy state
It picks me apart
All but my heart
Is feed for the fishes
All that I miss is
That subtle spark
To swell up in the…

Dark
In the dark
It’s so dark…

I feel
Feel the weight
Of my big bones
Heavy as stone
They rake
The riverbed
I’m settling into the sediment

I hope to find
Sanctuaries in the morning
To stretch out my body..

Oh to find
I hope I find
I will find it.
Track Name: Bones and Branches - 2019 remaster
Bones and Branch

I don’t know what you don’t tell me
Sew my mouth and open belly
All I am is a heart and cavity
See through skin borrowed marrow of a memory

Arteries rivers and veins
Bones and branches and frames
I’m my own container
I keep this all contained
Behind skin and bark
Keep cocooned my heart
Yes I’m own container
I keep this all contained

I hide all my guns and ammo
In secret drawers and wooden dressers
Circuit boxes full of fuses
All wired together and triggered by movement

Switches and channels and tapes
Radio camera press play
I’m my own container
I keep this all contained
Behind scripted lenses
I record and witness
I’m my own container
I keep this all contained

Collected coins kept in tin boxes
All on film for the documentation
Sadness franctic scribbled on notebooks
Phases copied on coffee stained paper

Fences and markers and property lines
Roads and bridges are the warning signs
I’m my own container
I keep this all contained
Behind poetry and prose
And print outs of quotes
I’m my own container
I keep this all contained
Arteries rivers and veins
Bones and branches and frames
I’m my own container
I keep this all contained
Behind skin and bark
Keep cocooned my heart
Yes I’m own container
I keep this all contained

Switches and channels and tapes
Radio camera press play
I’m my own container
I keep this all contained
Behind scripted lenses
I record and witness
I’m my own container
I keep this all contained...
Track Name: Overgrown & Wild - 2019 remaster
Overgrown & Wild

I used to take good care of things
Now life’s overgrown & wild
Metal blades with rust stains
And missing teeth in my smile
And do you see right through me
Like my worn out clothes
Will they fall to pieces
With all the decomposed

Roof on the house is busted
Five years of weather inside
Pooled up in the foundation
A vacant nest of mine
I don’t know what I have and don’t have
Now life’s gathered in piles
I don’t know what I have and don’t have
Better safe and alive

Whether you asked me to
I gave you twice as much
You don’t know what is good for you
I could never give enough

I used to clean up messes
Now I bury them alive
Out of sight and out of mind
Troubles haunt me all night
And are they out to get me
When I’m vulnerable
I don’t think you’d notice when I lose control

Whether you asked me to
I gave you twice as much
You don’t know what is good for you
I could never give enough

Whether you asked me to
I gave you twice as much
Whether you asked me to
I gave you twice as much
Whether you asked me to
I gave you twice as much
You don’t know what is good for you
I could never give enough
Track Name: Joi - 2019 remaster
Joi

Let’s put things back in their places
Everything is sacred
No reason not to hold this close
It’s a sobering heart I’ve grown

Don’t go leaving me vacant
I thought our love was ancient
Archives by oil and wax
And the pigment of a bloodroot tap

There’s a nest
A nest we can find
Made out of truths found in the tall red pines
No more hiding from the pain and lines

I would face the steep ledge and hold us
Tight like a wire
I like the danger and scare that it gives me
And all my desire
I would hold your hand with mind
With the warmth of the fire
And open my arms up to the wind
And take us higher and higher….

Let’s not point out all the failures
That held us down like anchors
Weighted to the ocean floor
Made of volumes of our own folklore

Let’s take a back
With a battle cry
Raised up in the joy of life
I’m so happy that you are my wife

I would face the steep ledge and hold us
Tight like a wire
I like the danger and scare that it gives me
And all my desire
I would hold your hand with mind
With the warmth of the fire
And open my arms up to the wind
And take us higher and higher….

I would face the steep ledge and hold us
Tight like a wire
I like the danger and scare that it gives me
And all my desire
I would hold your hand with mind
With the warmth of the fire
And open my arms up to the wind
And take us higher and higher….
Track Name: Rise Ruins - 2019 remaster
Rise Ruins

Swollen
I’m all heart
All my other organs shaded out and small
I’m taken
Over by
An invasive red blooded creature
That’s crawling
Out in the night
Through broken ribs and an empty shell
There’s vultures
Circling
I can keep us safe as long as we stay tied

I’ll gather sticks and stones
To build us a shelter
Make a new home
With room for us grown
If that’s not the answer
We’re ruins

Walking
Carefully
On broken glass and loose change
We’re making
Ourselves scarce
Turn us into a ghost that we’d wish was still here
And you go out on
Your own limb
While I hunker down underground
Open arms
To catch what falls
Or open palms to push you to rise

I’ll gather sticks and stones
To build us a shelter
Make a new home
With room for us grown
If that’s not the answer

I’ll gather sticks and stones
To build us a shelter
Make a new home
With room for us grown
But that’s the ending
Those you chose
We’re ruins...

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